I finally got it. Loud and clear. Not sure if you’re reading this (you know who you are, J), but I think I finally got it about the double bind.
In my professional life–where I do a lot coaching and facilitating–the metaphor of the rubber band has been invaluable in illustrating change. I frequently tell clients to “stretch the rubber band.” When you stretch a rubber band–stretch and stretch it–and then, gently, let it go, what happens? Does the rubber band conform to its old tight shape? No. True, it more or less goes back to an oval shape–we can still recognize it as a rubber band–but it’s a much more stretched out version of its old self. Recognizable, but with more give, more space, more options.
So it is with change. Sometimes, we really need to stretch and exaggerate a new way of doing something in order for the new behavior to stick–that is, in order for there to be room for the new behavior when we go back to our old way of being.
That’s one way of looking at a rubber band.
There’s another way, one that I’ve been stuck on. Sometimes we can get all tangled up with other peoples’ expectations (and our assumptions about their expectations) that we are pretty much bound and gagged when it comes to doing what’s important to us. My anxiety has been fueling me to jump and reach for every possible opportunity, ignoring the voice of my intuition, saying, “this isn’t the right opportunity.” Tonight, I took a step toward listening more to my intuition and trusting that the right opportunity will show up.
And that’s all I’m going to say about that.
Hope McAllister Miller 